- humanoid - essays - bible



  1. Introduction
  2. Children
  3. Slavery
  4. Women
  5. Homosexuality and Beastiality
  6. Violence and Rape
  7. god the Murderer
  8. god is Jealous of Other gods
  9. Other Religions
  10. jesus was Never Born
  11. jesus Preaches Murder
  12. jesus the Liar
  13. jesus Against Peace
  14. Comedy
  15. Fiction
  16. Source of Knowledge
  17. Ethics
  18. Bibliography
  19. About This Essay

1 - Introduction

The christian bible is the most evil and most disgusting book I've seen with my eyes. Let me show you a little bit of what's inside.

Everything in the boxes below is copied word for word from the christian bible, specifically the niv translation.

If you believe in jesus, god, or the bible, you must read this essay.

2 - Children

The bible says that children who curse their parents must be killed.

Exodus 21:17

17 "Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.

Leviticus 20:9

9 "'Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death. Because they have cursed their father or mother, their blood will be on their own head.

Children who don't obey their parents must also be killed, according to the bible.

Deuteronomy 21:18-21

A Rebellious Son

18 If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard." 21 Then all the men of his town are to stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.

In the following song, god's people sing about violently throwing children against rocks.

Psalm 137:9

9 Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.

Here is some more about violently throwing children onto hard surfaces.

Hosea 13:16 (Hosea 14:1 in nab)

16 The people of Samaria must bear their guilt, because they have rebelled against their God. They will fall by the sword; their little ones will be dashed to the ground, their pregnant women ripped open."

3 - Slavery

The bible encourages people to own slaves.

Leviticus 25:44-46

44 "'Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. 45 You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property. 46 You can bequeath them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life, but you must not rule over your fellow Israelites ruthlessly.

It is also okay to beat a slave so badly that it takes 2 days for the slave to recover.

Exodus 21:20-21

20 "Anyone who beats their male or female slave with a rod must be punished if the slave dies as a direct result, 21 but they are not to be punished if the slave recovers after a day or two, since the slave is their property.

Slaves cannot talk back to their masters.

Titus 2:9-10

9 Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, 10 and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.

One passage in the bible limits the keeping of hebrew male slaves for a maximum of 6 years. However a father may sell his daughter to become a slave, and she may be kept for much longer.

Exodus 21:2

2 "If you buy a Hebrew servant, he is to serve you for six years. But in the seventh year, he shall go free, without paying anything.

Exodus 21:7

7 "If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as male servants do.

4 - Women

The bible says that women who have sex before marriage must be killed.

Deuteronomy 22:13-21

13 If a man takes a wife and, after sleeping with her, dislikes her 14 and slanders her and gives her a bad name, saying, "I married this woman, but when I approached her, I did not find proof of her virginity," 15 then the young woman's father and mother shall bring to the town elders at the gate proof that she was a virgin. 16 Her father will say to the elders, "I gave my daughter in marriage to this man, but he dislikes her. 17 Now he has slandered her and said, 'I did not find your daughter to be a virgin.' But here is the proof of my daughter's virginity." Then her parents shall display the cloth before the elders of the town, 18 and the elders shall take the man and punish him. 19 They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the young woman's father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives.

20 If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the young woman's virginity can be found, 21 she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done an outrageous thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father's house. You must purge the evil from among you.

Women who attend church must stay silent the whole time they are in church, and may not even ask questions.

1 Corinthians 14:34-35

34 Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says. 35 If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.

Clearly, the bible doesn't believe in sexual equality.

1 Timothy 2:11-13

11 A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve.

Duh! That makes perfect sense!

5 - Homosexuality and Beastiality

The bible teaches that men that have sex with each other must be killed.

Leviticus 20:13

13 "'If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

The bible teaches that if a man has sex with an animal, or a woman only attempts to have sex with an animal, they must be killed.

Exodus 22:19 (Exodus 22:18 in nab)

19 "Anyone who has sexual relations with an animal is to be put to death.

Leviticus 20:15-16

15 "'If a man has sexual relations with an animal, he is to be put to death, and you must kill the animal.

16 "'If a woman approaches an animal to have sexual relations with it, kill both the woman and the animal. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

6 - Violence and Rape

Most christians think the bible is full of pretty stories. Here's one that will never be read out loud in a christian church.

Judges 19:22-29

22 While they were enjoying themselves, some of the wicked men of the city surrounded the house. Pounding on the door, they shouted to the old man who owned the house, "Bring out the man who came to your house so we can have sex with him."

23 The owner of the house went outside and said to them, "No, my friends, don’t be so vile. Since this man is my guest, don’t do this outrageous thing. 24 Look, here is my virgin daughter, and his concubine. I will bring them out to you now, and you can use them and do to them whatever you wish. But as for this man, don’t do such an outrageous thing."

25 But the men would not listen to him. So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night, and at dawn they let her go. 26 At daybreak the woman went back to the house where her master was staying, fell down at the door and lay there until daylight.

27 When her master got up in the morning and opened the door of the house and stepped out to continue on his way, there lay his concubine, fallen in the doorway of the house, with her hands on the threshold. 28 He said to her, “Get up; let’s go.” But there was no answer. Then the man put her on his donkey and set out for home.

29 When he reached home, he took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve parts and sent them into all the areas of Israel.

God loves violence. In fact, he will make his arrows drunk with blood.

Deuteronomy 32:39-42

39 "See now that I myself am he! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver out of my hand. 40 I lift my hand to heaven and solemnly swear: As surely as I live forever, 41 when I sharpen my flashing sword and my hand grasps it in judgment, I will take vengeance on my adversaries and repay those who hate me. 42 I will make my arrows drunk with blood, while my sword devours flesh: the blood of the slain and the captives, the heads of the enemy leaders."

7 - god the Murderer

Here's an excerpt from the story of noah and his ark, where god kills almost every human and animal on earth.

Genesis 7:21

21 Every living thing that moved on land perished--birds, livestock, wild animals, all the creatures that swarm over the earth, and all mankind.

Here, god kills all the firstborn children in egypt.

Exodus 12:29-30

29 At midnight the LORD struck down all the firstborn in Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh, who sat on the throne, to the firstborn of the prisoner, who was in the dungeon, and the firstborn of all the livestock as well. 30 Pharaoh and all his officials and all the Egyptians got up during the night, and there was loud wailing in Egypt, for there was not a house without someone dead.

Of course, these are just excerpts. Adding up the numbers explicitly given in the bible, shows that god killed more than 2 million people. Adding to that number, estimates based on numbers that aren't explicitly given, god killed more than 24 million people. The complete counts can be found in the book "Drunk With Blood" mentioned in the bibliography.

8 - god is Jealous of Other gods

Christians don't realize that according to the bible, there are many gods.

Exodus 12:12

12 "On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn of both people and animals, and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the LORD.

Exodus 18:11

11 Now I know that the LORD is greater than all other gods, for he did this to those who had treated Israel arrogantly."

Of course, the main god of the bible is jealous of those other gods, which is why in the 10 commandments, he forbids us from worshipping any of the other gods.

Exodus 20:3-5

3 "You shall have no other gods before me. 4 "You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,

I find it interesting that god displays a lot of incredibly immature emotions like anger and jealousy. When is god going to grow up?

9 - Other Religions

If a relative encourages you to follow another religion, the bible says you must kill them.

Deuteronomy 13:6-10 (Deuteronomy 13:7-11 in nab)

6 If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, "Let us go and worship other gods" (gods that neither you nor your ancestors have known, 7 gods of the peoples around you, whether near or far, from one end of the land to the other), 8 do not yield to them or listen to them. Show them no pity. Do not spare them or shield them. 9 You must certainly put them to death. Your hand must be the first in putting them to death, and then the hands of all the people. 10 Stone them to death, because they tried to turn you away from the Lord your God,...

Clearly, the bible is very intolerant of other religions. The punishment for apostasy is death, just as it is for many other things in the bible.

10 - jesus was Never Born

If jesus was a real historical human being, he should have a real birthdate in the real world. But even the authors of the fictional bible couldn't agree on when jesus was born, and give contradictory stories.

Kind herod died in the year 4 BC, and according to the gospel of matthew, jesus was born during the time of king herod. So, jesus was born before 4 BC.

Matthew 2:1

1 After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem

Quirinius was made governor of syria in the year 6 AD, and according to the gospel of luke, jesus was born after quirinius was made governor of syria. So, jesus was born after 6 AD.

Luke 2:1-7

1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.

4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

If the bible is the word of a god, then clearly, this god needs to get his ideas straight if he wants his word to be taken as fact rather than fiction.

11 - jesus Preaches Murder

Christians who have never read the bible, often claim that jesus was a good guy and point to him as an example of how good people should live their lives. However, jesus as described in the bible is an evil guy who among other bad things, preaches murder.

Mark 9:42

42 "If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea.

Matthew 18:6

6 "If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

Luke 17:1-3

1 Jesus said to his disciples: "Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. 2 It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble. 3 So watch yourselves.

That's right non-believers: "watch yourselves" is the message jesus has for you folks. Don't think about trying to turn a christian away from his faith, for one of his followers may tie a stone around your neck and throw you into the sea!

In all the years that have passed since that has been written, many people have been murdered by believers who agreed with this passage! And until people learn to logically identify evil, and identify jesus as an evil fictional character, there will be many more who will follow and murder according to jesus' commands.

12 - jesus the Liar

Jesus lies, claiming that if you ask for something, you will receive it.

Matthew 7:7-8

7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

You can even throw a mountain into the sea by praying for it.

Matthew 21:18-22

18 Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. 19 Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" Immediately the tree withered.

20 When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. "How did the fig tree wither so quickly?" they asked.

21 Jesus replied, "Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. 22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

It's interesting when a liar starts a sentence with "Truly I tell you".

Jesus claims the end of the world would happen within his generation. Here are a few excerpts from the long story about the end of the world.

Matthew 24:3

3 As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. "Tell us," they said, "when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?"

Matthew 24:14

14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

Matthew 24:29-35

29 "Immediately after the distress of those days

"'the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light; the stars will fall from the sky, and the heavenly bodies will be shaken.'

30 "Then will appear the sign of the Son of Man in heaven. And then all the peoples of the earth will mourn when they see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven, with power and great glory. 31 And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other.

32 "Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near. 33 Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it is near, right at the door. 34 Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. 35 Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.

Did you notice that there was another sentence that started with "Truly I tell you"?

None of those things happened, and about a hundred generations have already passed away since the above passages were written. I guess the people who wrote the bible were lying about the end of the world just to scare the people of their generation into believing them. They didn't really care about scaring generations that came later.

It's interesting that jesus thought that the stars in the sky can fall. Maybe his all-knowing father should've explained to him how big stars really are, and how gravity works, instead of letting jesus make a complete fool of himself.

13 - jesus Against Peace

Jesus doesn't like peace. He came to turn children against their parents.

Matthew 10:34-36

34 "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to turn "'a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law-- 36 a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’

In fact, christianity has done a lot to break families apart.

14 - Comedy

Here's a story that would be quite funny to hear in church.

Genesis 19:30-38

Lot and His Daughters

30 Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. 31 One day the older daughter said to the younger, "Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children--as is the custom all over the earth. 32 Let's get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father."

33 That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

34 The next day the older daughter said to the younger, "Last night I slept with my father. Let's get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father." 35 So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

36 So both of Lot's daughters became pregnant by their father. 37 The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab; he is the father of the Moabites of today. 38 The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi; he is the father of the Ammonites of today.

15 - Fiction

Christians don't realize that the bible is completely a work of fiction. Snakes can talk. Witches are real and must be killed. A guy called Jonah lived inside a fish's belly for 3 days and survived. A guy called jesus and his friend peter walked on water. Dragons are real and can knock stars out of the sky to the ground.

Genesis 3:1

1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?"

Exodus 22:18 (Exodus 22:17 in nab)

18 "Do not allow a sorceress to live.

Jonah 1:17 (Jonah 2:1 in nab)

17 Now the LORD provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.

Matthew 14:25-30

25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. 27 But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." 28 "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." 29 "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Revelation 12:3-4

3 Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads. 4 Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born.

Don't dragons know how many stars there are in the milky way galaxy? How are a third of those stars going to fit on earth if they fall?

16 - Source of Knowledge

In light of the above excerpts from the bible, it is impossible for any intelligent human being to think of the bible as a source of knowledge. Yet, millions of christians refer to the bible to answer some of the biggest questions of humanity.

It is quite clear that the bible was mostly written by a bunch of unethical, stupid, barbaric assholes of the past. It was not written by prophets inspired by some all-knowing god.

Seriously? Are you going to ask the idiots who wrote the bible to answer big questions about the beginning and end of the universe? About what will happen to you when you die? About morality???

17 - Ethics

The bible preaches evil, and commands people to do evil. That is why there are so many christians around the world, doing evil. Millions of innocent people have been killed because the killers were following the commands written in the bible.

The bible needs to be preserved so that it will always be possible to expose it as a fictional book of evil. However, people should often burn copies of the bible as a symbolic gesture showing exactly what kind of respect it deserves.

18 - Bibliography

All bible passages come from the niv (new international version) translation of the bible, copied from here.

I have checked every quote above with the corresponding passage in the nab (new american bible) translation of the bible, to make sure the meanings are similar. Some of the numberings of passages differ between the niv and nab, and I have noted these numberings above. The nab translation can be found here.

The vatican also has a copy of an older version of the nab translation of the bible on their website.

I found most of the passages by browsing through the "Skeptic's Annotated Bible". This has been the most comprehensive guide to the bible on the internet for over 12 years. Keep a copy of the niv or nab handy, because this site uses the kjv which can be hard to understand at times.

The numbers for how many people god killed are meticulously counted in "Drunk with Blood", by Steve Wells. A link to the book is available from the Skeptic's Annotated Bible website linked above.

Here is another website that exposes the bible.

19 - About This Essay

I tried my best to put some interesting quotes that most christians would not believe are in the bible. I also tried not to overwhelm the reader with too many excerpts, which would bore the reader to death like the bible itself does. I also tried to minimize subjective interpretations so that the quotes could speak for themselves.

I want to emphasize that the passages I put here are just the tip of the iceberg. The bible is far worse and has a lot more of the kinds of things I mentioned here. The Skeptic's Annotated Bible mentioned in the bibliography points out a lot more than I do here. You should browse that site if you want to find out more. Unfortunately, the Skeptic's Annotated Bible uses the kjv (king james version) translation of the bible, not the niv or nab, which makes it much harder to understand, so I recommend that you keep the niv or nab translations handy when browsing that site.

The bible is incredibly long and boring. It would be a big waste of time for me to read the whole thing just to expose how bad it really is. What I have already exposed in this essay is sufficient for any good human being to be convinced. However, as I become aware of better examples, I may remove, change, or add passages to this essay in order to improve its effectiveness.

Bible, by The Humanoid